An honest, heartfelt open letter from a couple, parents of five, who recently made the decision to leave the Christian church and wanted to let their friends and family know.
Many of you have been hearing things about us from various sources, and some of you have contacted us to express concern or to ask about what you’ve heard. To put it plainly and clearly, we have left the Christian church. We consider ourselves, in varying degrees at various times, agnostic, atheist, humanist, or like the great catch-all answer in a multiple choice survey, “Not Sure”.
This is not a sudden thing. It is not caused by a trauma or single event. We feel that this is the natural continuation of our spiritual journey of many years…
Our decision to leave the church and our faith was one that took years to reach, had hundreds of hours of research and discussion behind it, and was the single most difficult decision that we have ever made. It’s not a step we took lightly or quickly. Actually, I would call it a realization rather than a decision. Over time, we realized that we didn’t believe most of what we said we did by our use of the name Christian, and we didn’t support most of what we said we did through our association with the Christian church…
We have been avoiding this announcement for months. We knew it was coming, but kept trying to put it off. We know that having this in writing means we have crossed a line that will separate us from a large percentage of people that we consider friends. But we also know that we are happy. We know that we can teach our children what we believe without guilt or a feeling of duplicity. We can be true to our own thoughts and feelings. We know that we have made a decision that is right for us.
Please click through to read the full letter here. You’ll be glad you did.
(Hat tip to FB friend Deb Hill Frewin)
You know, their friend Dan made an excellent comment – that many of the friends they will lose/have lost by now, they’re not losing because of their choice but really because they no longer share what they had in common. As a parent I’ve seen this plenty (a woman I was very close with before and during pregnancy was no longer interested in friendship once she’d had her baby; I’ve drifted quickly apart from other moms once our playgroup or whatever ended) but “everyone knows” it happens so you don’t take it that personally. I never had quite made the leap that it happens in other areas too. It’s definitely a point I will remember.
Comment: sarabeth – 10. February 2010 @ 10:20 am
[...] I got the stomach flu, my family got a dog and a letter my husband and I wrote got linked on a popular blog that I enjoy [...]
Pingback: » 15 minutes of fame Colourful Threads – 11. February 2010 @ 10:12 am
I recently came out in a similar way with an open letter on Facebook. My wife’s family is very religious (mine too but not as much) and it was becoming increasingly difficult to navigate topics that my friends (mostly atheists for as long or longer than me) and in-laws could both see. I wanted everyone to have my full and polished explanation available to them so it didn’t get out piecemeal or through gossip.
Turned out well enough, no one mentioned religion at all over Christmas. The only thing I regret was that it read like an autobiographical essay (footnoted asides included), because I write best when I write research papers. I think between that and posting it through Facebook I offended my brother-in-law some (told my wife it seemed “impersonal,” “not everyone is so academic,” and that it felt like I was baiting others to bring it up) but you can’t please everyone and, more importantly he didn’t act like anything was wrong when we saw him.
Maybe this type of thing will start to become a trend for a while; and then I’ll be happy to see it go away when being an atheist stops being a big deal.
Anyway, thanks for the link. I really enjoyed reading it.
Comment: GreenByNature – 11. February 2010 @ 6:24 pm
This can be such a challenging transition. I’m still working through this with my husband’s family. The hardest part has been appropriately encouraging those who feel that my disagreement represents a judgment or rejection of them as people. And while I understand the reasons for this, it can be tiring. How I wish I’d had the courage to pen such a well thought out proclamation. As I said on the original page, although I don’t know this family, I am proud of them.
Comment: Rowan – 11. February 2010 @ 9:53 pm
[...] The Meming of Life – Dale McGowan is the author of Parenting Beyond Belief, which was a fantastic help after we made the decision. It’s a must-read for anyone who is trying to raise kids outside of religion. He’s a nice guy, too. [...]
Pingback: The Influx — Doodads and Gimcracks – 13. February 2010 @ 10:53 am