You may have heard about Pat Robertson’s reliably idiotic response to the Haitian earthquake — that Haiti is reaping the consequences of a pact made with the devil in the 18th century by Haitian slaves.
Sane commentators, both religious and non, have rightly heaped outrage and derision on Robertson’s latest departure from human decency. But the award for most brilliant smackdown of a lunatic goes to this letter to the editor, which appeared in today’s Minneapolis Star Tribune:
Dear Pat Robertson,
I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll. You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad.Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.
Best, Satan
LILY COYLE, MINNEAPOLIS
Good thing I’m happily married or I’d be on one knee in Minneapolis tonight.
(Hat tip to Brian Fogarty.)
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Trackback: uberVU - social comments – 15. January 2010 @ 4:11 pm
Ooh, nice smack-down, it beats my until-now favourite. (Except, I loved my favourite’s use of the “true story” assertion to echo Pat’s).
Just came across Jon Steward too, for those that enjoy The Daily Show:
http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/thu-january-14-2010/haiti-earthquake-reactions
Comment: Hugo – 15. January 2010 @ 6:00 pm
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It’s posts like this that have me waiting breathlessly for every new post from Dale… first Mr. Diety, then Tim Minchin….now the funniest devil’s advocate *ever*.
On a side note–I hardly know how to thank you, Mr. Dale, for posting Mr. Diety and Tim Minchin on The Meming of Life. I don’t know whether I’d ever have stumbled on them myself. I’m grateful beyond words–I’ve haven’t laughed like this since I don’t know when. I’m rationing myself–I know just how Laney feels about not wanting (Dr. Seuss in her case, Mr. Diety in mine) to be “all done”
Keep spreading laughs
Amy O in Yokohama
Comment: yokohamamama – 15. January 2010 @ 9:20 pm
Aah, creative thinking & logic win again.
Comment: hatchetfoot – 16. January 2010 @ 12:26 am
@Amy O: Well aren’t you nice to share that! At least you know who introduced you to Mr. D and Tim Minchin. I can’t even remember who did that for me, since I think both simply passed through my Facebook home page feed one day.
Radiolab is the third in that Trinity for me. At least I know who gave me that one first (thanks Joe G!)
Comment: Dale – 16. January 2010 @ 11:38 am
[...] after reading through my news feeds I found the best response to this garbage Pat Robertson dished out – written by none other than Satan himself…. Dear Pat [...]
Pingback: Jeremy Foster | Pat Robertson and Haiti – 17. January 2010 @ 1:18 pm
[...] has described two interesting books that provide insight to what Haiti is like. And Dale posted the best response to Pat Robertson’s offensive [...]
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